Some time ago a person asked me: “Why are you so sad and full of gloom?” Well, I replied, ” I don’t know.” Well I do know why I’m depressed. I just never really told anyone because I was scared. I was scared because, I didn’t want to hear all of the rumors, and false things about myself, and I didn’t want to have one of my regular anger bouts about how much I hate myself. But in that time since that encounter long ago, I have indeed learned about why I am so depressed. I still am learning how and why I got here, and where it is taking me, but since that time, I can tell you these things about why I’m depressed.
- Every chance I get, I blow it, making my self esteem go lower each day
- People avoid me. They just do. That in itself is depressing
- Most people don’t care. I know that that is the hard truth, and other people go through it.
- People are just mean, I don’t know why, but it just makes me sick on the inside.
So, with this being said, do you think that you would be depressed too? Well, I am guessing yes. When you look at it, this is a relocation of the things that have majorly happened so far. Of course, this isn’t all of the things that went on, because If I told you all of that, your life will be over before I got done. Moving on from that, I will explain each of the notes from above.
First, Every chance that I get, I blow it. Really. It is like whenever I have a high chance of doing something good,I eater get overlooked, ridiculed, or just laughed at. Not too long ago, their was a very large speech contest going on, and whoever got the highest marks in each writing class got a set amount of extra credit. Because I was in one of the top classes, I was most likely expected to get the top prize in my group. So, that is what I did, I set out for that prize and that credit. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t doing it for the extra credit, but I was doing it for the happiness of myself. So, on-top on my large workload I wrote that entire speech in about a week. When I had to read it to my class, they were basically stunned. I was in the place for winning, I could have took it all, but no. When it was my turn to read on that day of the contest I just got so, nervous… that It didn’t work out. I didn’t even place in the top three, but instead, I got beat out by some stupid jerk that wrote about working at his dad’s fictional ice cream parlor. Some work that I did, When that was over, I went outside, and ripped the whole file folder that my speech was in and let it blow away. I did a good job.
The next point is that people just avoid me. I dont even care that they are occipied, they just avoid me. It is like this to me, ” Hey, I’m going away and I’m not going to tell you when I’m back. I hope you have a great time dealing with your paranoia.” And that is what I had to do for a year, a bloody year. Not to long ago, I had a very close friend that I always used to talk to. Things, were great, but just so far away, if you know what I mean. So, I’m where I’m at, and there are where their at. I still don’t know that if I’m insane for thinking this, but whenever I wanted to talk, they had to go. It was the not the ” Hey, I have to go for a bit, I’ll be back in 20 minutes” go, but the “Hey I’m leaving the house for 5 hours” go. To me this was a slap in the face, a kick in the bum and a knife to the heart. When I got around to talking to them about, 6 months later they had the nerve to say that they loved me, but at the same time called me cumbersome. What kind of a friend is that? A friend that made me mad. Now, thanks to this, I’m more irrate, and prone to just getting angry. But don’t let that that fool you. I’m a nice person.
If I wanted to, I could interwind this into the other paragraph, but I don’t want to. This needs to stand out by itself. I know that I could say that people just don’t care, but I want a reason to go with this. My mom always told me that people don’t care about mostly anything these days, and they really don’t care for other people. I can understand why they are like that; I get that way too, and most of the time that I’m like this, I’m not having one of those “days.” The way that the world and how everyone has treated me, I have a right to be mad about things. Heck, I have a right to be mad at every single person that I meet. This is so because, I have to be afariad, because I could end up like I always have; heartbroken, angry and affarid.
Like the paragraph before that, I could just make this all one hudge paragraph and let this be done. But I’m not going to do that. So anyway. people are just mean. Don’t think so? Well look at all I have wrote so far. Is it true? Yes, if It wasn’t why should I tell you these things? Their is no reason right. And another thing, if people were nice to me, why do I still have the feeling that I”m delusional, and being wached by someone? Exactly. Their was no need for it.
